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New York M
I have a beautiful very healthy baby boy who will be 11months old next week. In March we lost our health insurance because my husbands union has no work for him and we exhausted the benefits with them. I applied for family health care right away and I still do not have it. I spoke to a social worker last week and I have given him all the papers he requested and it is now over three months since March 31st and he is still making me wait but he says I should have it soon for the baby. Baby has not been to doctor since end of March and will need more shots soon. I feel guilty and I feel like a looser. I can't look for work right now as I am taking care of my mom who had a stroke and my dad was just diagnosed with beginning stages of altzheimers. I spend half the day making calls for them and setting up appointments. My landlord is selling this house and we will most likely have to move. My bulimia has returned and I am tired all the time but I still manage to take the baby out.
Also, my older son from my first marriage is drinking and has developed a bad attitude. He and my husband fight and put me in the middle. My son came home drunk and started a fire while cooking at 4:00 in the morning. I try to help him and talk to him and be there for him but he has a real bad attitude.
Answer
Whew, that is a LOT to have to carry on your shoulders!
The story's too long to share, so let's just say that I can TOTALLY empathize with you.
I would say that, in order for you to stay 'with it', at the very least talk to a friend about what you're feeling. Someone who is local who you can spend a little bit of time with (even if it's just on the phone for 20 minutes). MAKE the time, even if your schedule is packed with 25 hours worth of stuff to do... you need those few precious minutes to be able to unload everything you're feeling so that you can protect yourself from going down any further than you're already tempted to be....
More ideal would be to schedule time with a professional, but I understand that, without insurance, a set up like that is probably not an option right now. You could also look up any hotlines that might be available locally... they're usually listed at the front of your local phone book.
Second, you DO need to get a handle on the bulimia. I understand that it's a reaction to the stress... but it weakens you physically... and when we're weak physically, it makes it harder to fight being weak emotionally. When we are healthy and strong, it makes it a little easier to rise above all the challenges that life throws our way. I would strongly encourage you to visit a free clinic, call a hotline, talk to a doctor who might be willing to work with you (billing wise) while you're in your current situation... for every selfish self-serving person out there, there are a dozen more who genuinely want to help and will find a way to work with you... that's what my husband and I have learned (this past year has been a nightmare for us... and yet here we are, still standing tall!!!).
You might also be able to get some information on government support/help or local groups that might be able to offer some guidance as to what you can do on behalf of your mom and dad. Even my ex-roommate, a trained ER nurse, had an extraordinary time taking care of her grandmother with Alzheimer's... it's a full-time job in and of itself... and here you are trying to care for TWO parents who are disabled PLUS your own family. It is too much for one person to handle alone. Again, a hotline or a free clinic might be able to point you in the direction of resources that are available to you so that some of this responsibility can be lifted from your shoulders... or so that you are better equipped to handle it until it's lifted...
Lastly, you are NOT a loser. If anything, you must be a woman of extraordinary strength to have been able to keep this up for as long as you have. I know you are tired... but relief will eventually come. Keep fighting. "This, too, shall pass."
Best of luck to you... my thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Whew, that is a LOT to have to carry on your shoulders!
The story's too long to share, so let's just say that I can TOTALLY empathize with you.
I would say that, in order for you to stay 'with it', at the very least talk to a friend about what you're feeling. Someone who is local who you can spend a little bit of time with (even if it's just on the phone for 20 minutes). MAKE the time, even if your schedule is packed with 25 hours worth of stuff to do... you need those few precious minutes to be able to unload everything you're feeling so that you can protect yourself from going down any further than you're already tempted to be....
More ideal would be to schedule time with a professional, but I understand that, without insurance, a set up like that is probably not an option right now. You could also look up any hotlines that might be available locally... they're usually listed at the front of your local phone book.
Second, you DO need to get a handle on the bulimia. I understand that it's a reaction to the stress... but it weakens you physically... and when we're weak physically, it makes it harder to fight being weak emotionally. When we are healthy and strong, it makes it a little easier to rise above all the challenges that life throws our way. I would strongly encourage you to visit a free clinic, call a hotline, talk to a doctor who might be willing to work with you (billing wise) while you're in your current situation... for every selfish self-serving person out there, there are a dozen more who genuinely want to help and will find a way to work with you... that's what my husband and I have learned (this past year has been a nightmare for us... and yet here we are, still standing tall!!!).
You might also be able to get some information on government support/help or local groups that might be able to offer some guidance as to what you can do on behalf of your mom and dad. Even my ex-roommate, a trained ER nurse, had an extraordinary time taking care of her grandmother with Alzheimer's... it's a full-time job in and of itself... and here you are trying to care for TWO parents who are disabled PLUS your own family. It is too much for one person to handle alone. Again, a hotline or a free clinic might be able to point you in the direction of resources that are available to you so that some of this responsibility can be lifted from your shoulders... or so that you are better equipped to handle it until it's lifted...
Lastly, you are NOT a loser. If anything, you must be a woman of extraordinary strength to have been able to keep this up for as long as you have. I know you are tired... but relief will eventually come. Keep fighting. "This, too, shall pass."
Best of luck to you... my thoughts and prayers will be with you.
How can I help a friend and her baby from a violent boyfriend?
Mikrose
She is young and afraid to be on her own so she tries not to make waves with him but I think this guy is crazy and and other people around her won't say anything because they say it's not their place but I am very afraid for her life and the babies. If I do say something will it make it worse for her?
Answer
Your friend is very lucky to have someone that cares so much about her. Thank you for reaching out for support and ideas.
It sounds as though your friend is in an abusive relationship. If you feel that anyone in the home is in danger or at risk of being in danger, than you should contact the police or your local Child Protective Services Hotline. You can make an anonymous report and tell them your concerns.
If you would like additional information or further help, please contact one of our counselors at 1-800-448-3000. We are available 24/7 and would be willing to help you make those calls.
Good luck!
Stephanie, Crisis Counselor
Your friend is very lucky to have someone that cares so much about her. Thank you for reaching out for support and ideas.
It sounds as though your friend is in an abusive relationship. If you feel that anyone in the home is in danger or at risk of being in danger, than you should contact the police or your local Child Protective Services Hotline. You can make an anonymous report and tell them your concerns.
If you would like additional information or further help, please contact one of our counselors at 1-800-448-3000. We are available 24/7 and would be willing to help you make those calls.
Good luck!
Stephanie, Crisis Counselor
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